A crossroads

A crossroads

December 24, 2018 0 By Tenzin Gyatso

By cyclistmike On June 8, 2013

In these mountains over the past few days I have had that very problem. Three days ago leaving Hiawassee I had an intuition, my body was tired, too much weight too many miles and not enough rest. I ignored it content to be superman. Over the last few days I pushed, for no better reason than “not losing” to this unseen enemy of imagined failure.

So in fearing failure, in fearing to take rest I have done myself in. I did not watch closely enough, I did not monitor myself or respect my body’s needs. I did not listen when my legs felt dead with fatigue. When my body asked for rest even as I felt my own need for it I pushed on, I couldn’t afford to stop I told myself. Now having stopped in the next town due to what I hope is ‘just a cramp’ in my left gastronemius (calf muscle) I cannot deny that I needed rest. I know I could continue to push on if I wanted, but for what? And for who’s approval?

No. I am in town today in Franklin NC after 7 miles, seven good miles, and I will be taking tomorrow off as well, doing so with the hope  that my leg needs only one rest day for full recovery, I can’t afford to rest more, I tell myself. So what; sometimes in my head I find reasons not to rest, just as I find reasons not to continue. As for tomorrow the idea of sitting alone in a hotel  room seems quite difficult.

So what finances are tight and I may not even continue the Appalachian Trail if my leg does feel better? I can now wish change upon the situation I am in. I am in it. I do not wish it to be different. No hiding from it! Meanwhile I will continue to nurse my leg back to health, for if  not continuing upon the Appalachian Trail,  there will be more uses for my legs over yonder mountains.

The choice ultimately is mine, I can bask in my failures as much as I can bask in my successes. So what? Both are merely stepping stones for growth and the future.