A crossroads

In these mountains over the past few days I have had that very problem. Three days ago leaving Hiawassee I had an intuition, my body was tired, too much weight too many miles and not enough rest. I ignored it content to be superman. Over the last few days I pushed, for no better reason than “not losing” to this unseen enemy of imagined failure.

So in fearing failure, in fearing to take rest I have done myself in. I did not watch closely enough, I did not monitor myself or respect my body’s needs. I did not listen when my legs felt dead with fatigue. When my body asked for rest even as I felt my own need for it I pushed on, I couldn’t afford to stop I told myself. Now having stopped in the next town due to what I hope is ‘just a cramp’ in my left gastronemius (calf muscle) I cannot deny that I needed rest. I know I could continue to push on if I wanted, but for what? And for who’s approval?

No. I am in town today in Franklin NC after 7 miles, seven good miles, and I will be taking tomorrow off as well, doing so with the hope  that my leg needs only one rest day for full recovery, I can’t afford to rest more, I tell myself. So what; sometimes in my head I find reasons not to rest, just as I find reasons not to continue. As for tomorrow the idea of sitting alone in a hotel  room seems quite difficult.

So what finances are tight and I may not even continue the Appalachian Trail if my leg does feel better? I can now wish change upon the situation I am in. I am in it. I do not wish it to be different. No hiding from it! Meanwhile I will continue to nurse my leg back to health, for if  not continuing upon the Appalachian Trail,  there will be more uses for my legs over yonder mountains.