A relationship

January 24, 2019 0 By Tenzin Gyatso

I don’t want a relationship. Not some sodden thing, wet with pandering. Relationships these days are like dirty wet rags. Cold after use and stiff when dried out. 

It’s too rigid and tried out. There’s no way to do it right. Try all you want, but failure is going to come, especially if you try and preserve it like some special thing. 

Truthfully, we use a rag to do our dirty work, then hang it up and forget it. After we’ve gotten what we want. 

This example is obviously utilitarian. And honestly our behavior is just as transparent. Unfortunately though our willful ignorance keeps us blind. We all like to think we’re better. We care. And we have a list of examples of how much we give a shit. 

None of us want this, relationship littered with justifications. But we settle. We grow comforted by routine, massaged by familiar patterns, we convienetly forget how we are the ones using the wet rag to wipe up our troubles. 

We are though clearly, we are users and abusers. Even if they are too – it’s a business partnership, and if we care to make a difference in the world, we should confront ourselves first. Or at least take to heart what our beloved partners say. They may be angry and say things in the heat of the moment they take back. But so many of those things are the words of the Buddha, or Jesus or whoever that we need to hear but would prefer to ignore. 

Which is why we have business relationships in the first place. And we know what we shouldn’t tell our partners. We know precisely what hurts our lovers and we tiptoe, tiptoe tiptoe – then use our knowledge as pointy spears to wring more use from our poor little rag friends. 

The why of this is complex, but can be broken down into a few convienent things to laugh at. First we are lacking confidence in the enlightenment. We don’t believe we can give up our little pointy Spears and survive in this cutthroat world. It’s so beautiful!

We as individuals are lacking personal inspiration and examples. However this doesn’t mean we are trapped in our normal conditioned ways of relating. We can inspire ourselves. It’s left with us, or up to us, however you want to look at it.

We could be brave enough to say the things instead of tiptoeing around. We could tell the people we love that we know them authentically – and though it might take some time, this kind of love goes a little further than just liking people for their complimentary qualities. 

We have to do this, and we have to start with ourselves. We can’t do anything for others until we’ve visited our depths, seen our shitty motivation and developed a friendship with ego’s stupidity. Having that friendship. Little by little we can say the things to others.

We can say all the things without animosity. We have to. This is what compassion and patience are all about. Compassion is not about being merely nice to people. Compassion is being nice to all of what people are, and you can’t be nice to all of someone, if you’re hiding from yourself or hiding your dirt in someone else. 

And patience. Patience isn’t about waiting for the best time to do this or say that. Patience is about saying the right things, the right wrong things, then not freaking out to try and fix the effect of the things, that we don’t like. Patience let’s life happen, but it doesn’t give up. Patience isn’t waiting.